PeaceMoms Blog

You know that time and space from the moment you have a bit of an argument with someone to the time when they return your phone call, or answer your email, if they do at all? That waiting space? That time where "paralysis of analysis" sets in and any wrong move or word from anyone could send you into a crying frenzy, because you're self esteem is that fragile, and because of what you might have said to hurt your wronged friend. You go through all this mental torture of what they're thinking and you play out all the worst case scenarios in your head of how you're a bad person and now, all of your friends are probably going to leave you because of that one misunderstanding you have going with someone else?

I'm there right now. The days are long. The nights are longer.

I don't even take into consideration all the possible events that could be going on with them like: they're sleeping in, or rushing around, or tending to a sick child, or they dropped their cell phone in the garbage, or their internet isn't working, or whatever else.

I always make it about me. Certainly I am wrong and bad. I over emphasize my importance to them, like they have nothing else going on except to analyze my shortcomings and how they can creatively punish me because of them. So, I enter into self torture mode, punishing myself for all the things I'm not and why I don't really make a good friend anyways.

Am I the only one who does this? Think too much?
What would it be like if I could just go to bed and read a novel and escape, and quit thinking about stuff and things that aren't happening and likely never will.

I have grown up some, which is nice. I'm not that sickly connected to what others do and think. I find ways to function just fine, I really do. I love myself and find value in all kinds of things about me, but in these long grueling hours of waiting, it's harder to see what's beautiful and much easier to see all that's missing.

For as much as I talk about peace, I sure could use a dose of it right now, cuz my heart hurts when I wait like this. I'm so glad the Lord holds me close and that He knows and sees what I can't. And I love how the passage of time heals what's broken and makes it right. I'll be fine. I always am.